I've had some negative response to the apology email I sent out yesterday so I wanted to publish an explanation for those of you who are wanting one.
(This is simply an explanation, I am not trying to make excuses for the last few months I just want to shed some light on the part of my life that people don't see. I am deeply sorry to those who I have affected.)
I'm going to start out by saying that depression is a dirty bitch.
I've struggled with depression since I was 17, most of the time I could manage it, other times I struggled. The last 6 months of my life have been some of the hardest times I've ever had to fight through.
The decline in my mental health started last fall.
When I started Buckshot, I was working a dead end, full time job. I knew that I wanted something more out of life so I worked 40 hours a week for someone else and came home and added another 40 working for myself. I fought tooth and nail to build my business up from the ground and was so proud of the fact that after a year and a half of starting my business I was able to quit my full time job and be 100% self employed. Once the pandemic hit, I noticed a lot of small businesses popping up, and trust me I fully support anyone who want to start a small business cause it's not easy. What shocked me the most was there was a company that I came across that looked oddly familiar. This company was started by a girl who had been a customer of mine and decided to start a side hustle, only too have it be a brand that was nearly identical to mine. I'm talking Logo, T-shirt designs and even staging pictures exactly like mine.
This crushed me, I never thought that someone could stoop so low to copy the business that I had spent years building. I have always felt like I am one of the VERY few graphic T companies that designs T-shirts with absolutely no filter, it’s what made me different from all of the rest, and to see someone have zero respect for my originality and hard work sent me into a downward spiral. It made me so discouraged to release any new designs in fear that they would also be copied.
From there things only got worse and by the time January rolled around I was in the deepest depression I have ever been in. I was living in a tiny studio apartment, which I hated but couldn't bring myself to leave, I would go days without eating or taking care of myself in any form, and I was numb to everything. I had absolutely no will to fight to get better.
At the end of January I had an eye opening experience that made me realize just how bad I had gotten and for the last two months I have been fighting to get my life back, which was not and still is not a fast process.
I started by moving back to my hometown into my idea of the perfect house, I was able to move my office into one of my spare bedrooms and start rebuilding. At first I was so motivated to get my business back to a state that I was proud of that I neglected rebuilding my mental health too, then the nasty messages stared rolling in and I stared another decline. Mid February I turned 26 and once again realized that if I wanted a better life I was going to have to keep fighting but this time for my business and myself.
It has been a long process and I'm not even where I want to be yet but I'm getting there. I am caught up on orders and am constantly working on new designs and going to therapy weekly to also keep my mental heath a priority.
For those of you who have blindly supported me during all of this without knowing the slightest detail about what I was going through, I am so thankful for you. For those of you who are struggling right now, reach out to me if you ever want someone to talk to without judgement and for those of you who still think the worst of me and my business, I'm sorry I couldn't meet your expectations.
Please let this be a reminder that social media IS NOT real life and things aren't always what they seem. Most people are fighting battles that you know absolutely nothing about.
Be kind to one another.